With Tuppence for Paper and Booster Packs

Sometimes when I'm waiting for someone who's taking forever on their turn, I study the art on these cards. And sometimes when they take real long I begin to wonder how these cards would manifest themselves in the so-called "Magic Mulitverse". (You know, the world where the game really takes place; where there are two opposing magicians summoning creatures and casting spells.)

For example...

Hmmm.... Still not my turn... Hello Kitesail...

Based on the picture, what justification is there for awarding the equipped creature +1/+0?

There are stones attached, but those are counterweights, which can be adjusted for fine-tuning flight or perhaps to balance-out equipped creatures with questionable symmetry, such as our friend Phrexian Juggernaut. Those stones are not the reason for the +1.

I don't believe it does extra damage by crashing its weight into the target creature or player. Look at it; sticks, canvas, and a couple party streamers. In this multiverse equipment is supposed to be used over-and-over. No way this thing survives multiple crashes impactful enough to deal a point of damage.

So, the +1/+0 must come from the extra speed flight yields to the equipped creature's strike. That has to be it.

Dude. You're taking forever! Make a decision and finish your turn!

I glance back to my Kitesail.

Exactly how big is this thing? It's gotta be like the ring in Lord of the Rings, right? It magically accommodates its size to the bearer. So it's real small with the Scribb Nibblers but then it grows to the size of Ohio when equipped to the Jaddi Lifestrider.

What happens when you equip the Kitesail onto a creature that already has flying? Officially, nothing other than the +1/+0 effect, but........

Maybe there should be a new game mechanic called "High Altitude Flying", which can be bestowed on a creature with multiple denotations of flying. Creatures with High Altitude Flying can only be blocked by other creatures with High Altitude Flying or (I suppose) High Altitude Reach. So if the Deadly Recluse was equipped with the Kitesail, it would be able to block (and kill) a similarly equipped Lightkeeper of Emeria.

It sort of looks something akin to a Navajo Indian Blanket.

What if the Navajo had made hang-gliders?

I bet those would have looked like this Kitesail thing...

What? It's been my turn for five minutes?! My bad...